Noble Idiots
by Retronym
Summary: Zelda has a motherly affection for all those in the Smash Bros. residence; it is in her nature to want to care for them. But she can't help but feel frustrated sometimes when a bunch of her companions are such noble numbskulls...especially when she needs to put up with the biggest noble idiot of them all.


**Okay, I've never really written very much romance before, so sorry if it's weird. This was not originally meant to be a romance fic, just Zelda ranting about her overly righteous family, but the topic sort of lent itself to the romantic bit. But it's also about family and stuff. So enjoy. Or don't, if you don't feel like it. Your choice.**

Zelda felt like a mother. She technically had no children of her own, but she still felt the intense motherly affection for all those she lived with. And she lived with about fifty wild, zany characters from all over the universe.

Yes, it was quite the family.

From Mario to Snake to Jigglypuff, Zelda had something good to say about each one of her strange family members. Even villainous figures like Bowser had at least one attribute to be admired. It was rather like a bunch of kids, with all their shenanigans and wild interactions, and Zelda, being one of the most caring and levelheaded people there, couldn't help but feel a strange motherly love and protection for them. It was in her nature to want their happiness and safety.

But she couldn't help wondering sometimes…why were so many of them such noble_ idiots?_

Sure, there were a lot of heroes from all across the map here, and that is simply how heroes get sometimes. But really, sometimes Zelda just wanted to flip over a table because of her family's misguided nobility. For the love of Farore, think about yourselves for once! Sometimes honor simply isn't worth it. Get yourselves out of danger! Zelda hated it when those she cared about were in trouble, and hated the whole idea they'd gotten into their heads that it was their duty. Being a princess, she entirely understood the spiel about duty and all that, but a mother can't stand seeing her children in seemingly pointless strife. Sometimes those heroes could just be ridiculous.

Mario was one of the noblest idiots of all, preferring to run himself to the ground rather than let anyone down. Zelda suspected he felt the almost parental protectiveness over the fighters as well. Marth and Ike seemed to unwittingly be in a battle to out-noble each other, both sticking religiously to their codes of morals. When it came to friends, especially Palutena, Pit got as protective as a bomb shelter and would rather have his head cut off than fail them. Zelda's friend Samus was not as idiotic as the rest, but she was still very duty-bound and sometimes made Zelda shake her head. Fox was a justice warrior that would stop at nothing, including his safety, to deliver that justice. Even people like Ness and Yoshi would sell their freaking souls to help somebody else. There were just so _many_ of these people she felt the need to watch over.

And on top of even this, Zelda had to deal with Link, the noblest idiot of them all.

He was like all of the other idiots combined. He was a duty-bound, code-of-honor numbskull that never failed to find new ways to make Zelda go completely nuts. Many times he had gone into danger to save the world, many times he had even saved the princess herself. However, it killed Zelda every time she saw him put himself through what she saw to be unnecessary pain for the sake of what he saw to be duty. He did it all the time, and it infuriated Zelda to no end. There was one act, in particular, that made her the most upset: the careful distance.

All the others totally saw it. It was blindingly obvious to everyone, everyone except Link. He had himself convinced that he could not ever be closer to Zelda than friendship, for he was a commoner, while she was royalty. That damned code of honor of his kept him from ever even toeing the line between friendship and the next step up with the princess. He kept his careful distance, as though to make sure he never slips up. Everyone could see that he wanted to be with Zelda, and that she reciprocated this feeling. Once, Pit had even called to him, "Dude! Quit the nonsense and ask the girl on a date!" Link's younger counterpart Toon Link then had to stop him from whacking the angel in the head with the Master Sword.

But he hadn't given in. He maintained that careful distance.

Zelda was sitting in her room by the window, contemplating. A knock came at the door.

"Come in!" she called. The door opened, revealing Link. "Hey," said Zelda. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to let you know that Peach was looking for you earlier," replied Link. "I think she was saying something about carrots…I didn't really understand what she was talking about."

Zelda laughed. "Okay, I'll have to go find her soon."

"Yes, you have to keep up on the carrot news," commented Link, smiling slightly.

"And that I will. I'd like to get lunch first, though. Peach can wait; she can just talk to Mario about it." Zelda stepped toward Link a bit. "They get on very well together," she continued mildly, "Even though she's a princess, and he's a plumber." She took a couple more steps toward Link.

"Uh, yeah," said Link, looking at the ground. It may have been subconscious, but as Zelda grew closer he edged a few steps back. Zelda stopped where she was. There was a rather pressing silence, then Zelda sighed.

"Would you ever want to hurt me?" Zelda questioned quietly.

Link looked much taken aback by the unexpected question. "No, of course not!" He clearly didn't understand what his friend was getting at. Zelda sighed inwardly. _Noble idiot._

"What if I told you," she continued softly, "That this hurt me?" She gestured at the cautious distance Link had placed between the two of them.

"That what hurt you?" asked Link.

"You know what I'm talking about, Link," said Zelda, flashing him a shrewd look. "This distance of yours, that code of honor. I know what you wish could be, Link, and I feel it too."

"But it can't happen," said Link, still observing the ground. "You know it can't. You're royal, and you're too good for me."

"Please!" cried Zelda in exasperation. "You are the Hero of Time! You've saved the world about a million times, and you're a brilliant friend! How could you not be good enough?" This was more than her motherly affection for all the fighters, more than her normal exasperation for all those noble fools she hung around. "This is just ridiculous," she insisted. "You have this moral code you stick to, so you don't hurt anyone. I'm telling you now that this nonsense is not only hurting you, which I can't stand, but it's hurting me too! I know you want to be closer to me, and I want to be closer to you! This whole stupid distance is so much more pain than it's worth."

Link was still looking down, and did not speak. Zelda sighed. "Link, please trust me. What good is this honor if it's just hurting everyone involved?" She walked over to him and put a hand on his shoulder. He did not move away. A few moments passed, and Link looked up and met Zelda's gaze. She heard a tiny sigh escape from him, and knew he had given in.

"Come on, you noble idiot," she said, he voice back to its normal, level state. "Let's go get some lunch or something."

They left Zelda's room to go to the kitchen, walking rather closer beside each other than Link would have normally allowed. Zelda smiled slightly, and she saw Link's face flicker with the ghost of an answer. This was a victory, both in love and in mothering. Those other noble idiots they lived with could learn a thing or two from this.


End file.
